Self-confidence is something that most people think you either have or haven't, it's almost as though it happens by chance. Yet, deep down, we know that confidence is a key to making ourselves successful; it helps us in relationships, work, leisure - everything, it give us the impetus to do things without fear.

If you can recognize the qualities of a person brimming with self-confidence, this will help you succeed in building your self-confidence. How do you know that a person is confident? It's easy, really. If you are balanced and confident, you are assertive, your body language conveys your confidence, you hold your head high, you speak with authority but not with arrogance, your attitude is positive, you go after your goals with determination -well-prepared to overcome any hurdles en route because you don't flinch at taking calculated risks whenever required, and whenever you make mistakes, you readily and graciously own up to them.

Arrogant people, on the other hand, only 'appear' self assured and self confident. Actually, they lack confidence and use arrogance to compensate. Their arrogance leaves little room for topic debates or consideration of other people's opinions and feelings. It's quite common for arrogant people to show little concern for anything but their own beliefs.

There's a widespread myth that women go for "The Nice Guy". Some men go overboard and try too hard with women. They characteristically are ready to buy gifts; and to do favors for women, because they think that's the best way to attract the women "they like".On the contrary, their supplicating behavior will sometimes actually repel women instead of attracting women. They'll think you're using "things" as a surrogate for self-confidence, and that you're not the kind of guy with whom they can find happiness.

There are two things I would like to point out before giving you some steps to help build your self-confidence. First, no article or book can ever fully do justice to the important task that building self-confidence is. Building self-confidence requires learning a new skill set. All skills take time...and persistence...to build. Decide to make building your self-confidence a priority. Commit to it. Allow yourself time and consistent focus to achieve it. Give yourself the gift of support by getting a coach to keep you on track.

That's easy to say, but how can you actually think this way? There is NO cut and dry answer here. There is no magic book, pill, or anything of that sort that instantly instills permanent, long lasting confidence in your veins (most motivational books are short term investments). Instead of trying to fix this problem immediately, make a total commitment to making this belief a habit by acting as if you absolutely believe you will succeed.

That particular day was in the middle of a London winter, and I had commuted a long distance, and several hours, as usual to get there. I had just had a long bout of flu and felt lousy, and I was going through some very serious personal problems. In short, I felt dire and miserable, and was faced with this torture before a group of other course members.

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